Thursday, July 30, 2009

I actually feel bad about laughing at this...

What Odor?(r) doesn't just mask odors, it eliminates odors. It eliminates the smells of pets, smoke, cooking, garbage cans, and bathrooms. See what Billy Mays has to say:

I do apologize, but because Billy Mays recently passed away and the recently dead tend to, well, I laughed out loud when I read this. I am a horrible human being.

Just not as horrible as spammers.


Join police officer training now

Do we really want the kind of people who respond to spam walking around armed?

Ayn Rand must be spinning in her privately-owned crypt

Let the Government solve your problems

I wonder how many people got this and exclaimed to themselves, "That's it, I'm going Galt!"

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

What the...?

Compare These
Drug Rehab Sites Chosen Just for You!

I've received some insulting spam before, but this takes the cake!

On the other hand, considering all the pharmaceutical spam I receive for problems (or body parts) I don't even have, maybe they know something I don't.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


Pull your room together. A new rug can change the appearance and add the color you're looking for!

Are times so desparate that spammers have to resort to selling actual products that people want and need?

Friday, July 24, 2009


Find the online undergrad program that's right for you!

They're doing it all wrong! A PROGRAM?!? That probably requires studying, and I want a degree based on my life experience with no effort required on my part!

Online courses that allow you to attend class anytime

You heartless bastards!


Your wishes are honored. We get that you may no longer want our offers, so we have included the appropriate information.

Yet they still send us yet one more.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Even I'm getting tired of these people

No Exams! No Study! No Classes!

Prestigious University

So what is it? A prestigious university or no exams, study, and classes? It can not be both as no prestigious universities put so low a value on education.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Drive and talk without using your hands

NO! Keep your hands ON THE STEERING WHEEL! YOU'LL... What?

Ooooooh! You mean like a hands-free phone so you can keep your hands on the steering wheel! Well, you should have worded that better, because people will think it's a device that will allow you to drive without using your hands. Phew!


Need a plumber?

Times are that tough that they need to spam too? There are people sitting at home thinking, "I really need to get those leaky pipes fixed, but I have no idea how to go about getting the help I need"?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

100 posts?!? I need a vacation!

Vacation packages. Low prices to fun locations.

Thank you!

There isn't anything particularly blog-worthy about that spam, but hey, after 100 posts I need the rest.

No, you misunderstand...

Our reply to your degree request

You're confusing "mocking" with "request".

Tip of the Day

We provide a program that will allow anyone with good qualifications to grab a fully legit University Degree

An actual university offering real credentials wouldn't have to advertise that their degrees are legitimate. If the word is shortened to "legit", then you might as well have the degree printed on toilet paper.

Monday, July 20, 2009

All I've got to say is...

We Provide Nice Choice Of Affordable Soft.

That's a nice change from all the Viagra and Cialis spams.

Oh, the wonder that is acai!

so you feel good about yourself and are positive about life, even while exercising.

I know that when I exercise, I'm left feeling depressed and suicidal. STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME MOVE!
gently cleanses your colon of excess you feel refreshed and rarin' to go.

I've got nothing to say here. That's just a beautiful sentence.

The vultures just keep tearing away

Remembering a true legend...Act now to get your $100 Visa(R) gift card and Michael Jackson t-shirt!

I really hope we don't see a repeat of the unrelenting Princess Diana post-death exploitation.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I'm surprised it took this long

Remember the king of pop with this limited lithograph

Keep the dream alive with this limited edition set

It's been almost three weeks since his death, and they're only starting to exploit him now? What took them so long?

The spam gift that keeps on giving

Real University diplomas.

Oh? So you're stealing them from actual graduates to pass on to your customers then?

You can replace the punchline with "congress" if you're American

Government Surplus: Everything Must Go!

And they're not just talking about the members of parliament!


Thank you! I'll be here all night!

Now they're spamming for bingo?

Louise Says:
easily do $800 daily no BS

I really can't see how that would be profitable for the provider, but if you can't trust Louise, who can you trust?

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Did they mean it this way?

Big discount for small orders!

This was for Viagra, so the "small orders" particularly amused me.

Monday, July 13, 2009

You could just have people do it for you at stop lights

Clean windshields without the straining or stretching

If you're straining to clean your windshields, you left it waaaay too long.


The fast way to learn medical transcription.

I'd rather my medical records not be trusted to someone who was in a rush to finish the course please. Thank you.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Damned dentists! And the government too!

Dentists are "furious" about the release of this unprecedented technology!


What dentists don't want you to know!

That the government uses fluoride to control the population? Everyone knows that! The way to escape their clutches? Use quotation marks for emphasis, because that totally helps your sentence makes sense.

Maybe I should get an infomercial

The best way to prepare for the beach season is to approach "weight loss" the smart and easy way. When you do it right, you can avoid time-consuming strenuous exercise.

I don't know if I'd call bulimia the "smart" way.

Here's a weight loss secret I'm going to share with you. It's guaranteed to work in most cases, and I'm not going to charge you a penny.

Are you ready?

Burn more calories than you consume.

You're welcome.
We will become friends and mentors to our customers while promoting our business with the highest professional and ethical standards in the industry.

I don't want a friend or a mentor. I want a professional who will handle my mortgage needs competently and efficiently. If I wanted a friend and mentor, I'd seek out Mr. Miyagi.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Let's see how this changed from yesterday...

Call us today
1.305.***.**** Leave your msg including your full name and number to contact you back

So far they're doing better, though I don't think "msg" is very professional.
Our head will get back to you Shortly.


History shows us the answer is "No."

Online Jobs : The Next Goldrush?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Okay, that's just creepy...

I'm in the hall, waiting

Words almost fail me


We facilitate a program that will allow anyone with average qualifications to fetch a fully legit University Degree - Bachelors, Masters or even a Doctorate.

Pick up the fone and call us now

1.305.***.**** Drop your msg with your full name and number to contact you back

Our professor will get back to you shortly.

There just so much that's awesomely horrible about this.
"Pick up the fone..." Unlike most phony... er, fony diploma spams, they managed to get most of the spelling right (we'll ignore the grammar and some unfortunate capitalization). This is the word they stumble on?

"Drop your msg..." Yo.

"Our professor will get back to you shortly." Because yes, in real universities it's the professors who handle all of the administration stuff.

Anyway, if you're curious the area code is for the county of Miami-Dade in Florida, so it's probably just a party fake college anyway.

Monday, July 6, 2009

It's one of my "peeves"

Dentists are "furious" about the release of this unprecedented technology!

I "really" "hate" the use of quotation marks as "emphasis", though it does lead to "hilarious" interpretations at times.

I'm confused

You always have troubles with translating soft as you can't even understand how to install it?

Is this trying to sell software or erectile disfunction drugs?

And they're not even selling pharmaceuticals!

A lazily raspy fire hydrant can be kind to a cosmopolitan paper napkin. Another minivan related to the senator buys an expensive iKbVI\bWZ^KMQTLRCFNAFK gift for the eggplant. Any movie theater can pee on the carelessly gentle particle accelerator, but it takes a real cab driver to be a big fan of a barely gratifying buzzard. Any power drill can sanitize the wrinkled football team, but it takes a real roller coaster to trade baseball cards with a submarine related to a girl scout.A carelessly smelly canyon

This goes on and on and on from just the snippet I'm quoting. I know the point of a wall of text like that is to try and bypass spam filters (bad news, spammer, my e-mail client still caught it), but do they have to mess with our minds with such insanely surreal random collections of words?

Sunday, July 5, 2009

That's it

Please don't make the common mistake of thinking you can't do this!

Yes, that's exactly what's keeping me from responding to your type from home spam.

In answer to your question...

Do you have any idea how much excess gunk is sitting in your body? Up to 30 pounds. Crazy right?

So crazy that it sounds like an outright lie. The sad thing is that there are more than enough people who will buy into this number without looking into credible sources to see if this an actual fact. Another sad thing about this is even if it were true, getting rid of it wouldn't get rid of excess fat,

Pass this on to my home boy, s'il vous plait.

Stunning Ways And Techniques To Drive Her Absolutely Wizld Tonight

For shizzle, my friend. For shizzle indeed.

Friday, July 3, 2009

What an odd way of phrasing it

If you loved KittyLitter, you will love this indoor doggie potty.

I don't think I've ever known anyone who loves kitty litter. I don't think I'd want to know anyone who loves kitty litter.

Thursday, July 2, 2009


Christian sex - Wfhat Are Good Christian sex Practices?

More laziness!

Please forward this to any friends who may be interested

Now they want me to do their spamming for them!

On the other hand, if they attach a joke, some long debunked warning, or some political screed that will have me rolling my eyes, I've got plenty of friends and family who will be happy to forward it on to me.