tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69927557854174089262023-06-20T06:22:53.407-06:00Quotable SpamSpam sucks. That doesn't mean it's not quotable.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger128125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-36271994373707653452013-05-02T08:28:00.000-06:002013-05-02T08:28:14.593-06:00Creepiest spam yet?<blockquote>Do you know who your daughter is going out with tonight?
Do you really know your neighbors around you?
Do YOU have anything on your record?</blockquote>
Will fear eventually make stalkers of us all?
<blockquote>If you can answer yes to any of the questions above, then we've got the answer for you right here</blockquote>
If I could answer yes to any of the questions above, why would I need your services?
<blockquote>Get peace of mind knowing what people may or may not be hiding from you. Don't wait another moment not knowing.</blockquote>
<i>My</i> peace of mind is gone thinking my neighbours may be doing background checks on me. I've got nothing to hide, but damn, the idea of living next to people this paranoid...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-10659508057028895002012-03-14T08:13:00.002-06:002012-03-14T08:16:27.398-06:00You stand against the wall while we pat you down and check you for any contraband and don't give us any back-sass while we... Ah, forget it.The following is from the <span style="font-style:italic;">subject line only</span>. The body of the e-mail was completely blank.<br /><blockquote>Attn: This is to inform you that we the fbi have a warrant to arrest you if we dont hear from you immediately,this is the final warning you are going to receive from the fbi office do you get me? I hope youre understand how many times this message has been sent to you. We have warned you so many times and you have decided to ignore our e-mails we have been instructed to get you arrested immediately, and today if you fail to respond back to us with the payment then, we will close your bank account and jail you and all your properties will be confiscated by the fbi.Robert Mueller, III FB I Director</blockquote><br />Yup. I'm scared.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-40583018685772274942012-01-31T14:47:00.003-07:002012-01-31T14:58:56.815-07:00Oh, they dragged me back in!I forgot I even had this blog until I read this...<br /><blockquote><span style="font-weight:bold;">FBI OFFICE GET BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY IF YOU DONT WANT US TO ARREST YOU AND JAIL YOU</span><br /><br />Attn: Beneficiary This is to inform you that we have have the warrant to arrest you if we dont hear from you immediately.<br /> <br />You are advice to download attachment link for more details for your own good if you dont want to go to jail.<br /></blockquote><br />That alone is scary enough to make me go to the nearest US consulate and turn myself in for whatever crimes I've supposedly committed, but to make this threat of jail even more believable? It came from an AOL e-mail address. <span style="font-style:italic;">AOL!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-49940346066242436992011-05-30T13:20:00.003-06:002011-05-30T13:22:45.398-06:00Wait... What kind of home?I had given up on this blog, but then I received a scam mail containing this gem...<br /><blockquote>I was brought up in a motherless baby's home</blockquote><br />I guess those motherless babies have to learn to fend for themselves at incredibly early ages to the point of home ownership before they can even walk.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-72678053242310817972009-09-24T09:04:00.000-06:002009-09-24T09:09:13.194-06:00I'm trying to keep this PG, but...<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Care for your wang!</span></blockquote><br />Some things are too wacky to not share.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-7402833555642055802009-09-18T10:56:00.001-06:002009-09-18T10:59:08.660-06:00Presented without comment...<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">This is liberation of your desire from the chains of stress!<br />You'll have back your natural vigor, ardor and firmness of your "down there" thing. Did I mention that it all can cause no harm to you? Because it is natural! Because it was tested for years. Because it is for you.</span></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-3859500473274006742009-09-16T08:44:00.001-06:002009-09-16T08:44:51.651-06:00Hold on there!<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Do you like mold? Didnt think so</span></blockquote><br />Don't go making assumptions about my likes and dislikes, bucko!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-66605885326665037582009-09-16T08:42:00.000-06:002009-09-16T08:43:23.675-06:00Haaaaaaaaahahaha!!!<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">If talking about 'male' strength that can make your girl wet and happy. This strength is easy to get these days. You come to our site, make an order of our special supplement and 1 hour later your lady can enjoy your firm and steady power of a man. Take this once and make her amazed.</span></blockquote><br />Though once the laughter subsided, I had to admit that their shipping is amazing. ONE HOUR?!?! Astounding!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-28002646917688773802009-09-16T08:34:00.001-06:002009-09-16T08:35:42.489-06:00Doctor! Doctor!<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Need Health Insurance? Compare Rates Online!</span></blockquote><br />No thanks, I'm Canadian so I'm already covered and happily so.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-16371905543981136592009-09-10T11:52:00.001-06:002009-09-10T11:57:17.695-06:00Is this a pressing need?<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Discount glow sticks</span></blockquote><br />"We need to find a way to get our glow stick costs down. If this expenditure isn't lowered, we may have to go back to electric lights for our office. Wait a minute, what's this...?"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-43504436792119738492009-09-10T08:31:00.004-06:002009-09-18T11:01:38.498-06:00Frankly, my dear, he DOES give a damn!<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Col. Clarke Gable<br />27th Infantry Brigade<br />United States Army<br />Fallujah, Iraq.</span></blockquote><br />What, Major Errol Flynn wasn't available? If you're going to fake an American soldier for your new twist on the Nigerian Scam, don't name him after a dead movie star.<br /><blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Dear Honourable,<br /> My name is Col. Clarke Gable of the 27th Infantry Brigade United States Army Fallujah Iraq.</span></blockquote><br />I highly doubt that, based on the British spelling of "honourable", and the fact that nobody in the English speaking world addresses anyone with simply "Dear Honourable".<br /><blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">I'm contacting you on behalf of my team here in Iraq peacekeeping service</span></blockquote><br />Putting aside the awkward English here, "peacekeeping service" would be a whole different euphemism for the invasion force there.<br /><blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">we needed your assistance to move an<br />allocation {Funds} into your custody for safekeeping pending our final dismissal here any time this year...</span></blockquote><br />"Needed"? So why are you writing to me, unless you're trying to make me feel bad for missing this once in a lifetime opportunity?<br /><blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">However, I wish to remind you that I’m a soldier and I have no time to come over the internet for a child play, so please if you are not able to handle this transaction with utmost confidentiality please Do Not Reply.</span><br /></blockquote><br />Now they're just insulting my intelligence. Well, they're insulting my intelligence even more, because that really started with "Col. Clarke Gable". If an officer in the U.S. Army wrote this poorly, the world's in grave danger from idiots with guns.<br />Please note: We're supposed to believe that English is his first language, and in that event its very poorly written. For someone who has English as a second language? It's very well done, and better than I could write in any other tongue.<br /><blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">If somehow you are interested in this proposal, kindly leave a message with your most confidential telephone numbers and I will get back to you<br />with details.</span></blockquote><br />Blah.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-76235199258380093242009-09-10T08:27:00.000-06:002009-09-10T08:28:25.334-06:00Really?<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Find the perfect Hawaiian shirt at the perfect price.</span></blockquote><br />I had no idea this was a problem that needed solving.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-12378799759527542852009-08-27T08:19:00.001-06:002009-08-27T08:21:06.385-06:00You may want to reconsider your wording...<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Enjoy the Beautiful Feet of a Teenager.</span></blockquote><br />Ummm... Er...<br /><blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Eliminate Foot Fungus and Enjoy Beautiful Toes This Summer.</span></blockquote><br />Ah!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-62003356842920712362009-08-06T08:22:00.000-06:002009-08-06T08:23:18.739-06:00Alright!<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Senior dating just got easier</span></blockquote><br />Giggitty!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-311194636865636892009-08-05T08:28:00.001-06:002009-08-05T08:29:43.399-06:00Disturbing<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">You'll feel yourself with women like Michael Jordan with ball and hoop.</span></blockquote><br />I actually read this as the spam saying Michael Jordan is a woman when I first glanced at it. Good for him if that's what he wants, but I doubt it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-88741325579723737922009-08-05T08:26:00.001-06:002009-08-05T08:27:42.883-06:00Er... um... ahhhh...<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Hilton Head awaits.</span></blockquote><br />I'm reeeeally trying to keep this blog clean, so there go all the jokes I've got about this one. Sorry, Paris.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-37087298654980255292009-08-05T08:25:00.000-06:002009-08-05T08:26:07.719-06:00Mmmmm...<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Jazz and jambalaya. New Orleans.</span></blockquote><br />There's nothing that amuses me about this one. I just <span style="font-style:italic;">really</span> love jambalaya.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-78799325015508990512009-08-05T08:22:00.001-06:002009-08-05T08:23:39.366-06:00Interesting...<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Have You Given Russian Dating a Try?</span></blockquote><br />Is that like speed dating, only if you don't like the first person you talk to, there are progressively smaller people inside?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-4702649750531668682009-07-30T09:31:00.001-06:002009-07-30T09:33:31.376-06:00I actually feel bad about laughing at this...<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">What Odor?(r) doesn't just mask odors, it eliminates odors. It eliminates the smells of pets, smoke, cooking, garbage cans, and bathrooms. See what Billy Mays has to say:</span></blockquote><br />I do apologize, but because Billy Mays recently passed away and the recently dead tend to, well, I laughed out loud when I read this. I am a horrible human being.<br /><br /><br />Just not as horrible as spammers.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-64953534217075835142009-07-30T08:30:00.001-06:002009-07-30T08:30:38.161-06:00Uhhhhhhhhhhh...<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Join police officer training now</span></blockquote><br />Do we really want the kind of people who respond to spam walking around armed?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-54368169836939368342009-07-30T08:23:00.000-06:002009-07-30T08:24:26.268-06:00Ayn Rand must be spinning in her privately-owned crypt<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Let the Government solve your problems</span></blockquote><br />I wonder how many people got this and exclaimed to themselves, "That's it, I'm going Galt!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-30588126521803602812009-07-29T08:28:00.000-06:002009-07-29T08:30:25.286-06:00What the...?<blockquote> <br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Compare These<br />Drug Rehab Sites Chosen Just for You!</span></blockquote><br />I've received some insulting spam before, but this takes the cake!<br /><br />On the other hand, considering all the pharmaceutical spam I receive for problems (or body parts) I don't even have, maybe they know something I don't.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-73347289003488638912009-07-28T08:17:00.003-06:002009-07-28T08:21:02.097-06:00Seriously?<blockquote><em>Pull your room together. A new rug can change the appearance and add the color you're looking for!</em></blockquote><br />Are times so desparate that spammers have to resort to selling actual products that people want and need?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-29134521436536525732009-07-24T08:13:00.001-06:002009-07-24T08:15:29.790-06:00Nooooooo!!!<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Find the online undergrad program that's right for you!</span></blockquote><br />They're doing it all wrong! A <span style="font-style:italic;">PROGRAM</span>?!? That probably requires <span style="font-style:italic;">studying</span>, and I want a degree based on my life experience with no effort required on my part!<br /><br /><blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Online courses that allow you to attend class anytime</span></blockquote><br />You heartless bastards!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6992755785417408926.post-45760114572976355912009-07-24T08:10:00.000-06:002009-07-24T08:11:33.187-06:00Huh<blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Your wishes are honored. We get that you may no longer want our offers, so we have included the appropriate information.</span></blockquote><br />Yet they still send us yet one more.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0