Oh, they dragged me back in!

I forgot I even had this blog until I read this...

FBI OFFICE GET BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY IF YOU DONT WANT US TO ARREST YOU AND JAIL YOU

Attn: Beneficiary This is to inform you that we have have the warrant to arrest you if we dont hear from you immediately.

You are advice to download attachment link for more details for your own good if you dont want to go to jail.

That alone is scary enough to make me go to the nearest US consulate and turn myself in for whatever crimes I've supposedly committed, but to make this threat of jail even more believable? It came from an AOL e-mail address. AOL!

Really?

Find the perfect Hawaiian shirt at the perfect price.

I had no idea this was a problem that needed solving.

Really?

Need a plumber?

Times are that tough that they need to spam too? There are people sitting at home thinking, "I really need to get those leaky pipes fixed, but I have no idea how to go about getting the help I need"?

And they're not even selling pharmaceuticals!

A lazily raspy fire hydrant can be kind to a cosmopolitan paper napkin. Another minivan related to the senator buys an expensive iKbVI\bWZ^KMQTLRCFNAFK gift for the eggplant. Any movie theater can pee on the carelessly gentle particle accelerator, but it takes a real cab driver to be a big fan of a barely gratifying buzzard. Any power drill can sanitize the wrinkled football team, but it takes a real roller coaster to trade baseball cards with a submarine related to a girl scout.A carelessly smelly canyon

This goes on and on and on from just the snippet I'm quoting. I know the point of a wall of text like that is to try and bypass spam filters (bad news, spammer, my e-mail client still caught it), but do they have to mess with our minds with such insanely surreal random collections of words?

What an odd way of phrasing it

If you loved KittyLitter, you will love this indoor doggie potty.

I don't think I've ever known anyone who loves kitty litter. I don't think I'd want to know anyone who loves kitty litter.

What the hell?

You don’t need to %SI3_rnd10 rod’s %SI3_rnd11 and %SI3_rnd12 %SI3_rnd13’ jokes!

This is a %SI3_rnd14 for %SI3_rnd15 your %SI3_rnd16! It will %SI3_rnd17 in seconds after she %SI3_rnd18 and %SI3_rnd19 as good as if it was a %SI3_rnd20 rod!
No more jokes – you will always get %SI3_rnd21 and moans! The huge pack costs less than 30 %SI3_rnd22!

%SI3_rnd23 can be a %SI3_rnd24! No one will know about your %SI3_rnd25!

Again - what the hell?

Presented without comment...

Complete and actual subject line.

Super Obama's pants

Uh...

I'm locked in room

Isn't e-mailing complete strangers the wrong way to get out of that predicament?

I'm not surprised

Bible drawn into Hoqng Korng sex publication row

Well, I don't think it's right to send those new sexy bibles to Hoqng Korng.

AHHHHHHHH!!!

No more scares before nail fungus infections.

internet security patch.

COMPUTER VIRUSES NOW INFECT HUMANS!!!

Why?

Message title...

npnh j0ue

Message body...

lhiyt

That was it. No images, no embedded HTML, no links. Someone went through all the trouble of sending just that to however many people around the world.

Huh.

?!?!?

Shock! NYers crapped pants

I'd have to click to enable pictures. No. I don't know what this is for and I don't want to know!

The mental image...

What should I do with my enormous tree trunk that grows from my bod?

See a doctor. Seriously, that sounds painfully unhealthy.

Confusing...

Enter fast

You'd think this was from porn spam. Well, you'd be wrong. The preceding line...

Improve mental clarity with Acai Diet

Don't confuse me. I want to know what kind of product it is I'm not buying.

Probst?

fried it in butter
Maybe it was survival`s test?

That definitely would be survival's test. It certainly makes me want to click on the link you provided with no context.