Creepiest spam yet?

Do you know who your daughter is going out with tonight? Do you really know your neighbors around you? Do YOU have anything on your record?

Will fear eventually make stalkers of us all?

If you can answer yes to any of the questions above, then we've got the answer for you right here

If I could answer yes to any of the questions above, why would I need your services?

Get peace of mind knowing what people may or may not be hiding from you. Don't wait another moment not knowing.

My peace of mind is gone thinking my neighbours may be doing background checks on me. I've got nothing to hide, but damn, the idea of living next to people this paranoid...

That's it

Please don't make the common mistake of thinking you can't do this!

Yes, that's exactly what's keeping me from responding to your type from home spam.

Land in Costa Rica! Oh boy!

We support responsible and ethical email marketing practices.

No you don't. You're sending me unwanted spam.

Please know that we respect your right to be purged from this marketing campaign.

Wow. "Purged." Are there any harsher sounding words you could have used?

Two spams, one delusion

Do you want to know the secret of picking up women? It’s as simple as having a big instrument hanging between your legs. So if you are ready for great popularity, enhance your size today.

I do think cellists are sexier than violinists! I do!

If you have a huge stick, women will never tell you to get out of bed.

Did you notice that arrogant look on some men’s faces but couldn’t understand where it was coming from? Well, we will open you the secret – that is the big monster in his pants and you can have one like that very easily

How is it again that men have managed to grab most of the power in the world? Everytime some guy says something sexist, ridiculousness like this needs to be trotted out.

Lazy or stupid?

You have received this advertisement because you have registered with (Publisher List Name Entered Here). If you believe this e-mail message was sent in error or if you would like to stop receiving e-mail advertisements from (Publisher List Name Entered Here), follow the opt-out instructions below.

Here's the thing. When you use a form for your spam, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PUT YOUR OWN INFORMATION WHERE IT TELLS YOU TO! I strongly suspect that if I choose to opt out, they wouldn't respect my wishes.
Oh, and unless you actually sign up for something, never opt out. That's how they know your e-mail address is valid.