Wait... What kind of home?

I had given up on this blog, but then I received a scam mail containing this gem...

I was brought up in a motherless baby's home

I guess those motherless babies have to learn to fend for themselves at incredibly early ages to the point of home ownership before they can even walk.

Frankly, my dear, he DOES give a damn!

Col. Clarke Gable
27th Infantry Brigade
United States Army
Fallujah, Iraq.

What, Major Errol Flynn wasn't available? If you're going to fake an American soldier for your new twist on the Nigerian Scam, don't name him after a dead movie star.

Dear Honourable,
My name is Col. Clarke Gable of the 27th Infantry Brigade United States Army Fallujah Iraq.

I highly doubt that, based on the British spelling of "honourable", and the fact that nobody in the English speaking world addresses anyone with simply "Dear Honourable".

I'm contacting you on behalf of my team here in Iraq peacekeeping service

Putting aside the awkward English here, "peacekeeping service" would be a whole different euphemism for the invasion force there.

we needed your assistance to move an
allocation {Funds} into your custody for safekeeping pending our final dismissal here any time this year...

"Needed"? So why are you writing to me, unless you're trying to make me feel bad for missing this once in a lifetime opportunity?

However, I wish to remind you that I’m a soldier and I have no time to come over the internet for a child play, so please if you are not able to handle this transaction with utmost confidentiality please Do Not Reply.

Now they're just insulting my intelligence. Well, they're insulting my intelligence even more, because that really started with "Col. Clarke Gable". If an officer in the U.S. Army wrote this poorly, the world's in grave danger from idiots with guns.
Please note: We're supposed to believe that English is his first language, and in that event its very poorly written. For someone who has English as a second language? It's very well done, and better than I could write in any other tongue.

If somehow you are interested in this proposal, kindly leave a message with your most confidential telephone numbers and I will get back to you
with details.

Blah.

Okay, now they're starting to try...

When last I received a Nigerian scam-like spam from a non-Nigerian scammer, I was disappointed how lazy they were. They must have read my blog - the fastest growing blog in my mind - because now they're trying harder.

Good Day

My name is Mr. Song Li. I work with the Hang Seng Bank. There is a sum of
$19,500,000.00 in my bank Hang Seng Bank", Hong Kong. There were no beneficiaries stated concerning these funds which means no one would ever
come to claim it. That is why I ask that we work together.I do solicit for your assistance in effecting this transaction.I intend to give 30% of the total funds as compensation for yourassistance. I will notify you on the full transaction on receipt of your response if interested, and I shall send you the details and necessary procedures with which to make the transfer.

E-mail; *like I'm ever going to post their contact information*

Should you be interested? Please send me your:

1. Full names
2. Private phone number
3. Current residential address

Kind Regards,
Mr. Song Li.

Now it doesn't have the drama and pathos of a good Nigerian scam, but it's more than a sentence so good for them for trying.

I'm still not going to fall for it.

Sheer laziness!

There is a deal in my bank value at $30.6M.If interested, email me via this email

Where is the heart-rending story of hardship and Machiavellian banking systems gone awry? This is it?
This particular fraud spam didn't originate from Nigeria if the name and e-mail address on it are to be believed. I'm not surprised. When a Nigerian tries to scam you, they put their heart into it. By the time you reach the end of their tale, you're moved to tears and you want to send them money to help them them get millions more out of the bank (if you're greedy and foolish enough to think these things actually work).
But this? This is sheer laziness.

HEY!

If this comes up your alley

I'm not that kind of lady, bucko!