I'm trying to keep this PG, but...

Care for your wang!

Some things are too wacky to not share.

Presented without comment...

This is liberation of your desire from the chains of stress!
You'll have back your natural vigor, ardor and firmness of your "down there" thing. Did I mention that it all can cause no harm to you? Because it is natural! Because it was tested for years. Because it is for you.

Hold on there!

Do you like mold? Didnt think so

Don't go making assumptions about my likes and dislikes, bucko!

Haaaaaaaaahahaha!!!

If talking about 'male' strength that can make your girl wet and happy. This strength is easy to get these days. You come to our site, make an order of our special supplement and 1 hour later your lady can enjoy your firm and steady power of a man. Take this once and make her amazed.

Though once the laughter subsided, I had to admit that their shipping is amazing. ONE HOUR?!?! Astounding!

Doctor! Doctor!

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No thanks, I'm Canadian so I'm already covered and happily so.

Is this a pressing need?

Discount glow sticks

"We need to find a way to get our glow stick costs down. If this expenditure isn't lowered, we may have to go back to electric lights for our office. Wait a minute, what's this...?"

Frankly, my dear, he DOES give a damn!

Col. Clarke Gable
27th Infantry Brigade
United States Army
Fallujah, Iraq.

What, Major Errol Flynn wasn't available? If you're going to fake an American soldier for your new twist on the Nigerian Scam, don't name him after a dead movie star.

Dear Honourable,
My name is Col. Clarke Gable of the 27th Infantry Brigade United States Army Fallujah Iraq.

I highly doubt that, based on the British spelling of "honourable", and the fact that nobody in the English speaking world addresses anyone with simply "Dear Honourable".

I'm contacting you on behalf of my team here in Iraq peacekeeping service

Putting aside the awkward English here, "peacekeeping service" would be a whole different euphemism for the invasion force there.

we needed your assistance to move an
allocation {Funds} into your custody for safekeeping pending our final dismissal here any time this year...

"Needed"? So why are you writing to me, unless you're trying to make me feel bad for missing this once in a lifetime opportunity?

However, I wish to remind you that I’m a soldier and I have no time to come over the internet for a child play, so please if you are not able to handle this transaction with utmost confidentiality please Do Not Reply.

Now they're just insulting my intelligence. Well, they're insulting my intelligence even more, because that really started with "Col. Clarke Gable". If an officer in the U.S. Army wrote this poorly, the world's in grave danger from idiots with guns.
Please note: We're supposed to believe that English is his first language, and in that event its very poorly written. For someone who has English as a second language? It's very well done, and better than I could write in any other tongue.

If somehow you are interested in this proposal, kindly leave a message with your most confidential telephone numbers and I will get back to you
with details.

Blah.

Really?

Find the perfect Hawaiian shirt at the perfect price.

I had no idea this was a problem that needed solving.